Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
