And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
