If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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