Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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