I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
