Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
