You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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