I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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