I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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