____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
