Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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