In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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