I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
