Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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