Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
