Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
