After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
