Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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