i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
