How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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