My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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