loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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