If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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