Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
