There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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