I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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