HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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