margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
