You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
