Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
