The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
