I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
