I just pynch a tree in the face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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