So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
