i need an iv and a liver transplant
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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