i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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