apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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