ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
