The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
