Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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