The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize