Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
