Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
