We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
