Already got asked if we're dating
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
