I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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