I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
