What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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