Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
