I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
