She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
