Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
