I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
