i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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