never play flip cup with pint glasses
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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