He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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