I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
