Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize