Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
