9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
