Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
