I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
