Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
