Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
